I haven't maintained a regular pace of writing on this blog this semester. My difficulty came from a schedule that was excitingly new and challengingly stressful. Working at DVC, I spent my time under an instructor who made teaching seem easy. More than simple instruction, he scaffolded assignments, procedures, and learning in a way that I still struggle with.
In sharp contrast to his perceived successes in the classroom, I faced a number of my own obstacles this semester by teaching a 414 and 104 class for the first time. I explored my own belief systems about power and authority in the classroom. I questioned my own teaching philosophy prior to this semester, the teacher I was to my middle school students, and I took issue with who I was as an instructor and the program at SFSU. I had to either accept the teacher I was, or explore a new teacher I could be. Deciding to throw my past experiences behind me and to integrate new information into my own identity as a teacher has had a major impact on how I view this semester. In a nutshell: this semester was about the growing pains of a professional in the field of
teaching English. Because I view my job as having a service-driven purpose, it is important to reflect and change with new information, new classes.
I learned that my Freshman aren't interested in a critical engagement of ideas, without first showing them how, why, where, when, etc. they can begin to engage. Ironic, huh? I thought so. Determined to get them talking and writing about the very things I found were central to high-minded scholarship, I was slightly disappointed to find students who seemed more willing to 'go with the flow' than to release themselves from the shackles of an institution that had seemingly beat the resistance out of them. At first glance, I found my self disappointed and frustrated that these new college students didn't seem excited to have some form of power in the class.
Then things came to a head. We acknowledged this issue, persistent though it was, could change. All of a sudden, students were spear-heading the conversation. And it was good. With limited time in the semester, I could see it begin to break down again. However, I have a new sense of hope in this next semester. Further, I realized that while I seemed to be frustrated at my students, the real culprit was "schooling" in general. The students sitting in my class were the very same students who had moved through the ranks of school by passively accepting the terms of school, the authority of their teachers, school administrators, and nation-wide bureaucrats. Could I blame their silence, their willingness to sit there an absorb my teachings?
No.
So, if I can't blame, then I need to change- and that's what I am going to do. My classroom culture needs to decentralize itself and begin to incorporate the many brilliant voices in my classroom. Because the truth is that I am in this profession to learn, and there are no better minds than those of my students.
I had a different purpose for this post, but I think I have been led somewhere better. Instead of griping about my Spring syllabus, I think I have a goal in mind for that very document meant to be griped about.
